It Only Happens When I Dance With You

Posted by Bonnie Gurwitz in HandPrints Stories & Videos | 3 comments

As a child, like many girls, I played house. We fantasized about what life would be like as adults, and we were always married with children.

I also knew I wanted to be a performer, and that singing, dancing and acting would be an important part of my future. My parents took me into Manhattan every Saturday for lessons, but when that became too much for them, they assured me I that could continue at fourteen when I was old enough to travel by myself.

The very day I turned fourteen I announced I was ready for more lessons. I took singing lessons right through high school, and went on to a music major in college. My parents were supportive, and I do believe my mother was proud of my accomplishments.

About half-way through my schooling, however, my mother made it quite clear that marriage and children were most important in life, and my music should be simply an aside. As if that weren’t confusing enough, my mother also made it clear that she had the best guy (my father) and it would be very difficult for me to find someone that terrific. Perhaps it’s no surprise that I spent many years with inappropriate men, and believed that all I could expect from a romantic relationship was crumbs.

But I always believed that if you want something badly enough you should never give up working toward it. So work I did, on myself: facing my fears and feelings of unworthiness; not an easy task. My childhood fantasies of the future never included staying single, but I realized that I was the only one in the way of my meeting the man the Universe knew would be most appropriate for me.

Dancing had always been a passion of mine, so at forty-eight I joined a local dance club which offered ballroom dancing on Sunday nights. It gave me great joy, and a dear friend told me that I looked transported while I was dancing. One day the radio announced a lunchtime big band concert at the World Trade Center. Despite so many reasons not to go, a voice inside me said, “Just go!” To my surprise, I recognized people from our Sunday night dances. When a wonderful dancer asked me to dance, I was a little intimidated.

Our relationship began that day, but when my old fears and behaviors returned, I didn’t ignore them. I talked about them and pushed myself to place one foot in front of the other, to realize that life-long dream: marriage.

It has now been more than thirteen years, and it was definitely worth the wait. When we met I hadn’t been sitting around saying, “Poor me.” I had matured, and was open to positive, fulfilling experiences that would enhance my life.

I am treated as special, and loved unconditionally by my husband, as I was by my father. Wife and partner, I know not to take our relationship for granted. But I can be myself; idiosyncrasies, flaws and all. What a surprise it is to find out that I’m more than capable of having a healthy, loving, two-way relationship!

My husband is in my corner and wants me to be happy. He supported my dream to change careers at a time in life when many women might be thinking of retirement. He encouraged me to return to school and gain the skills needed to become a life coach. His belief in me gave me the courage, confidence and hope to transform my life. Though holding a full time job, I went through the entire curriculum and graduated within two years.

I now coach and mentor many older woman on relationships. If necessary, I share my own story, so they can learn that it is possible to find love after forty, fifty, or even eighty. When I opened my heart to receive genuine love, I was blessed with the partner capable of giving it!

My husband and I sometimes reflect on how nice it might have been if we had met when we were younger. But we know we met at the right moment in our lives, doing what we both love: dancing. Whether it’s a Foxtrot, Tango or the Swing, my dance partner was well worth waiting for!

Blue Dancer Photo By annieA
Dancers Tango Photo By Matteo C.